Top Ten Do’s and Don’ts On Thanksgiving
In order to make Thanksgiving a joyous day there are certain rules of etiquette that should be adhered to:
10. If you are assigned to the kids’ table try to make small talk about Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift but not Pat Boone or Snooky Lanson.
9. Don’t bring a surprise guest unless it is George Clooney or Heidi Klum. And leave Fido at home. No one appreciates an old dog with incontinence problems at a party.
8. If Aunt Bertha brings her famous ambrosia salad (ugh) pretend you waited all year to dive into this delight even though you conclude it tastes like spackling compound.
7. Celebrating Thanksgiving at Mom’s home is always a nostalgic treat but if your fifty-seven year old brother still resides at home with Mom don’t ask why he still lives in the basement and dresses as a trekkie Klingon.
6. Attempting to sell your stash of Twinkies to the guests is considered gauche. Better to have brought your collection of Peeps snowmen.
5. When Uncle Ed arrives a bit buzzed don’t let him fall asleep on the bed with the coats.
4. There are only two drumsticks on a turkey so when both have been taken when the platter arrives at your seat do a Cousin Eddie from the movie “Christmas Vacation” and choose the neck.
3. Discussing surgical operations is not appropriate especially Uncle Charlie’s bladder sling operation.
2. During the football game don’t over cheer for your favorite team unless it is the Detroit Lions – they never win on Thanksgiving.
1. Commenting on the host’s choice of background music will not endear you especially if you criticize the playing of “Dominick the Italian Donkey Christmas Song”.
Above all – have a wonderful time!