The Pope is too pooped to Pope
Those of us who are retired or those approaching retirement have probably prepared a list of “to dos”. Retirement is a time to enjoy all those activities that we have dreamed about but did not have time to experience. Perhaps it is a personal “bucket list” of things to be accomplished as we move into the twilight years of our life. Whatever the case, it is a time for new adventures.
By now everyone knows that Pope Benedict XVI has announced his retirement and has moved to a small residence on the outskirts of the Vatican. This is the first time in 600 years that a Pope has resigned and as a result people are wondering how he will spend his retirement. As a Catholic myself and a former seminarian I was able to gain access to the Pope’s daily planner and thus I want to share with you just a few of his plans. From my viewpoint it looks like a full schedule. Here is a look at what he has on his agenda:
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+ Attend retirement party at local Knights of
Columbus Hall
+ Reminiscent of the first Pope retirement party held 600 years ago, instead of a
gold watch receive a gold sundial
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+ Audition for lead role in Broadway play “Jesus Christ Superstar”
+ Purchase season tickets to all St. Louis Cardinals and New Orleans Saints games
+ Drive the Popemobile in the Woodward Dream Cruise in Detroit
+ Sign up for AARP – the Almighty Alliance of Retired Popes
+ Free trips to the healing waters of Lourdes when I am ill
+ Throw out the first ball in a Los Angeles Angels baseball game
+ Attend several weddings and turn water into wine
+ During Lent, go to the Panera Bread Company and feed thousands with loaves and fishes
+ Cheer on any team playing against the New Jersey Devils
+ Contact NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and submit a bid on an upcoming Super Bowl to be held in the Rome Coliseum
+ Pay yearly fee to park the Popemobile in “Happy Luigi’s Trailer Park”
+ Appear on the Food Network Channel and demonstrate the healthy merits of Angel Food Cake as opposed to Devil’s Food Cake
+ Prepare holy water from unlimited supply of water received from Aquafina
+ Start a side business by selling name brand products such as Popesi Cola, Poper-mate pens, Popesident Toothpaste, and Popey Chow
+ Check to see if anyone still remains in Limbo
Well, there you have it – quite an ambitious schedule. Fortunately he will have a squadron of angels to assist him!