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Ten Do’s and Don’ts On Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday!  Unlike other holidays, there is no
pretentiousness.  One just arrives at the
host home dressed in an everyday wardrobe and not encumbered with loads of
presents.  Now that is not to say that as
a guest you can’t bring a tasty food dish or a bottle of wine for the host or
perhaps don your favorite gaudy holiday sweater.  Keep in mind that it is a day to enjoy the “Three
F’s” – family – food – football.  What could
be better than that?  However, in order
to make it a joyous day there are certain rules of etiquette that should be
adhered to:

10.  If you are unexpectedly
assigned to the children’s table,  try to
make small talk about Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift but not Pat Boone or
Snooky Lanson.

9.  Don’t bring a
surprise guest unless it is George Clooney or Heidi Klum.  And leave Fido at home.  No one appreciates an old dog with
incontinent problems at a party.

8.  If Aunt
Bertha brings her famous ambrosia salad (ugh) pretend you waited all year to
dive into this delight even though you conclude it tastes like spackling
compound.

7.  Celebrating
Thanksgiving at Mom’s home is always a nostalgic treat but if your fifty-seven
year old brother still resides at home with Mom don’t ask why he still lives in
the basement and dresses as a trekkie Klingon.

6.  Attempting to
sell your stash of Twinkies to the guests is considered gauche.  Better to have brought your collection of
Peeps snowmen.

5.  When Uncle Ed
arrives a bit buzzed don’t let him fall asleep on the bed with the coats.

4.  There are
only two drumsticks on a turkey so when both have been taken when the platter
arrives at your seat do a Cousin Eddie from the movie “Christmas Vacation” and choose
the neck.

3.  Discussing
surgical operations is not appropriate especially Uncle Charlie’s bladder sling
operation.

2.  During the
football game don’t over cheer for your favorite team unless it is the Detroit
Lions – they seldom win on Thanksgiving and need the support.

1.  Commenting on
the host’s choice of background music will not endear you especially if you
criticize the playing of “Dominick the Italian Donkey Christmas Song”.

Above all – have a wonderful time!