Choose Love Songs for West County Notables

Love For Sale: The Cole Porter classic is a perfect love song for St. Louis County Executive Charlie Dooley. In November Dooley threatened closing 20 parks and selling off the Elk and other wildlife at Lone Elk Park.

I Can See Clearly Now…an excellent song for the folks at Smoke Free St. Louis, sung by Johnny Nash with Bob Marley's band backing him up. It is even a better song for the optometrists that keep campaign contributions flowing to members of the state legislature to ensure that a law stays on the books. And it's a law that is unique to Missouri and requires parents to obtain three eye exams for children between grades kindergarten and fifth grade. Checking Chesterfield’s current senator’s campaign finance records for November and December of 2011 found 18 contributions to her from eye doctors in Missouri, and even from doctors in the suburbs of Kansas City.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes has to be the theme song for the Missouri casinos and restaurants like Morgan Le Fey, where they cut the menu to qualify as a bar in order to get a smoking exemption. Smoke in your eyes, lungs and every fiber of your clothing is the order of the day. At the casinos, not only are they trying to separate people with compulsive personalities from their money, they are trying to separate employees and non-smoking gamblers from their health.       

Softly Whispering I Love You hit number 29 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart on March 4, 1972. It might be a perfect title for what happens in Chesterfield Municipal Court in front of Judge Rick Brunk if you have a serious DWI charge and a lawyer. Brunk will whisper to you. He lets you whisper back so no one knows you pled guilty to a DWI, were given no-record probation and will have no points on your driver’s license even if you refused to take a breath test or offered to bribe the officer.  

One For My Baby (and one more for the road)…seems to be a good song title for Cardinals broadcaster Dan McLaughlin, who seems to get arrested in Chesterfield every year now in an incredibly drunk condition while trying to drive his SUV. Saloon singers refer to this song as The Drunk Song: "It’s quarter to three. There's no one in the place, but you and me…”

Try to Remember…a time in September or August for that matter would be another one for Dan McLaughlin, who around September for the past two years tells his sports media buddy Dan Caesar, how his latest DWI arrest is a “real wake up call.”    

Happy Together a hit in the 1960s by the Turtles seems to be perfect when talking about Monarch Fire Protection District and the firefighters union Local 2665. When you go to Monarch's Board of Directors meeting it is often hard to tell if you are at public government meeting or a union meeting. Board president Kim Evans often refers to firefighters by their union titles.   

The Trolley Song…you know the one from the movie Meet Me in St. Louis is a great song for former Chesterfield Mayor John Nations. “I went to lose a jolly hour on the trolley and lost my heart instead” sums up Nations' approach to the job. As mayor, he agreed to be a front man for a transportation sales tax and delivered the West County vote. Nations was rewarded with a $250,000-a-year job running Metro (Bi-State) plus a membership to the Missouri Athletic Club. Not bad for a lawyer with no experience in the transportation or transit industry. 

Leaving on a Jet Plane The John Denver love song made famous by Peter, Paul and Mary might be appropriate for Albert Pujols. In a cartoon caption contest on stltoday.com a reader named Charles Henrickson posted this rewrite of Jet Plane with Albert talking to the Stan Musial Statue. It didn’t win, but it should have:

All my bags are packed, the money is mine
I'm standin' here outside your shrine
I hate to take the time to say goodbye . . .
I'm leavin' for a net gain
Don't know when I'll be liked again
Oh, Stan, I weighed the dough . . .

I Love LA: The Randy Newman anthem to over-the-top living in the City of Angels is the perfect song for Rams owner Stan Kroenke, with rumors of returning the Rams to their original home base in Los Angles.  

The Gershwin classic A Foggy Day…in London Town…another song sure to put a tear in Kroenke’s eye, who wants to play at least one Rams home game a year in London.   

Anything Goes from the Broadway musical of the same name has to be the best song for the Rockwood School District Board of Education and member Stephen Smith. Smith as president allowed the new superintendent to hire buddies from Minnesota for high-paying district jobs. Smith also works as manager of school district construction projects for a long time contractor with the school district. During his time as president of the board, his company housed its corporate office on school district property.      

Mickey Gilley’s, It’s Just a Matter of Making Up My Mind, has to be the 2011-2012 theme song for Tea Party candidate Ed Martin, who so far in this election cycle has announced he was running for the Senate, Congress and now Attorney General. It's the same Martin, who as former Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt’s chief of staff helped create an email scandal that cost the state $1.5 million.      

On the Street Where You Live…is a good one for St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay and his parking enforcement unit. In 2011 Slay proved his revenue collection unit could get you anywhere in the city, including On The Street Where You Live. The unit issued parking citations on streets and empty lots without signs prohibiting parking. When people would contest the citations with photos and affidavits proving there weren’t any “No Parking” signs, the citations were all upheld anyway. (A West County lawyer is the hearing officer.)